Polygamy and Big Love

[Sarah]

Hey everyone

I have been watching the HBO series Big Love and it has made me think in new ways about a certain practice....polygamy!

For me, polygamy has always been the little bad sister to incest, all I have ever heard or seen of polygamy is old men forcing women to marry before age 18 and women allowing the men to do it. It has always riled me up. While watching Big Love and seeing a family that lives a polygamous lifestyle away from the "cult" atmosphere, I have realized that this lifestyle is no different then the homosexual lifestyle, at least in my opinion. When it is practiced while allowing each individual to make their own choices, and NOT marrying 13 year olds.

Has anyone else seen this show, what do you think of it....what are your thoughts on polygamy?

Sarah

[missjoladie]

Hi Sarah...nice touchy topic! LOL

Well to be honest it's all live and let live to me. I don't know that I could live with 5 other women who are married to MY husband. Obviously there are people who can handle this and well those people must have a strong sense of self and are probably extremely unselfish. I sort of compare it to people who just can't settle down with one person. They need variety and if they can get away with it well, live and let live. However, I do think that these ladies should be a bit older before making such a huge decision. It's a little scary/odd to have children marry old men. Just not cool.

As for it being similar to homosexuality I'm not sure what you mean.

[Sarah]

I guess I mean that for some the homosexual lifestyle is seen as deviant and dirty. I have always seen polygamy in that way, but seeing a show that actually opened my eyes to the non unlawful aspect of polygamy made me realize that there probably are families living out there as polygamists in normal neighborhoods, so I can't judge a whole practice because of the majority who practice it illegally....as in marrying little girls.

[missjoladie]

Oh, ok. I see what you mean now. I agree. Like I said before, it may work for some and it may not work for others. It's sort of sad that for a country who prides itself on freedom put so many restrictions on lifestyle. I think that as long as children aren't hurt and no one is being taken advantage of or abused (physically, mentally or otherwise) then they should be left alone to live life as they see fit.

I guess I mean that for some the homosexual lifestyle is seen as deviant and dirty. I have always seen polygamy in that way, but seeing a show that actually opened my eyes to the non unlawful aspect of polygamy made me realize that there probably are families living out there as polygamists in normal neighborhoods, so I can't judge a whole practice because of the majority who practice it illegally....as in marrying little girls.

[Amanda 1.0]

Hmmmm. I know several people who claim to be polyamorous, but when they tell me about their life and it doesn't sound any different to me than having an open marriage. They put a great deal of emphasis on their sexual relationships but not much on their emotional connections. And a few, by no means all, of them have completely ignored the statement "I'm flattered but I'm monogomous " and pressed on, telling the other person how fantastic polyamoury is and you should come to the Jack and Jill party later.

But, I have met some people within a poly relationship who seem very happy. Everyone is involved by choice, everyone's open and clear about what the agreements are between them.

I know the two types of relationships are very different things. Neither is for me. I can barely keep up with the one I have.

[Maureen]

I have an online friend who is working her way through, into & towards a polyamorous relationship with her husband. The theory is sound, logical & loving. I love my spouse/other. Our relationship is what it is because of how we interact with each other. And, that is good. It is fulfilling for me. What does it matter to that relationship if either of us also has a good loving relationship with another person, then? In fact, if I love that other person, I wish for their happiness in life (as they do for me). Why would we put limits on each other's potential for happy, good relationships?

It makes sense in theory. Especially if you remove any religious or societal expectations from the relationships.

It's hard to overcome the feelings of jealousy & insecurity that spring up despite her best attempts to be sensible